Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I'm Not Okay

I don't want to brag, but I've been through a lot in the last seven years. Rocky marriage, money problems, two unexpected pregnancies, kid getting mulled by a dog, through the wringing with the INS, discovering my son has Autism ... blah blah blah. I've handled it all fairly well. Mostly. Sure, it's changed who I am. But part of growing up is changing so over all, that's okay. Not alarming, nothing to be concerned about. Because in the end, I still think I'm a pretty good person most of the time.
There was a time shortly after the dog incident and discovering I was pregnant again that my sister questioned when I'd be put in the loony bin - you know, in anticipation for the break down that seemed pretty imminent. The break never came. I rounded up the troupes and moved on.
These days though ... I feel very close to not okay. I've been doing my best not to internalize as I did all while I was growing up and that's been going alright. When I need to vent, I vent. When I've needed to cry, I simply cry (which lately, has been daily). When I've needed to shout about something, I've shouted. But something in me is indicating all is not well with Krista. Physical signs that emotionally I am hitting my limit. The other day Jerry and I were discussing something of no great importance and I just started weeping. I am tired all the time, even with 9 1/2 hours of sleep at night and a nap during the day. I am clenching my jaw so much my cheek bone is bruised. The list continues.
I know I need to find a support group or some kind of way out. Some kind of interaction with adults that relieves my stress and frustration. Because this can not go any further.


TinaLaRae said...

Krista, I feel for you and only think that the way you feel is "normal" for the so many things that aren't the norm, that you have been faced with. I am here, even thought far and even though we don't usually use each other as a shoulder to cry on or and ear to listen. For what it's worth I think you do an amazing job in all the situations you've been delt! You also know your limits and are willing to addmit when you need help, what a great way to be. I love you and do think of you often. My prayers are with you. Tina

Jenie said...

Oh Krista, I wish I was closer and able to help shoulder some of your burdens. But since I am so far away always remember I am here to talk to and give support in everything you face. I LOVE YOU!

mom said...

I know how you feel, get help honey, I didn't until it was too late just a councilor with the mental health can do alot. I doesn't cost anything up here I'm not sure how the system works down there but its worth a shot.